Baby, baby...
Amy Grant, anyone?? The worst part is that those are the only 2 words I can remember from that song, and now they're stuck in my head. Blech!
Anyhoo, having had a baby round the house for the past few days has started me thinking (actually, I think about this topic oddly frequently, but let's pretend I don't, since it makes me seem all crazy-like). You see... I really can't decide if I want kids or not, and it kind of bugs me that I can't make up my mind.
I know, I know... I'm only 22 (23 in just over a month!), and it's not like I'm married, engaged, have a boyfriend, have a date for Friday or anything; stuff that might come in handy for thinking those baby thoughts. I'm also not financially secure, geographically settled or universally tuned-in (42!). So why all this thinking? I don't really know, to be honest.
When I was TEFLing in Prague, the textbook I used most often (English File Upper Intermediate, boo yah!) had a section on the best ages for things. Best age to vote, to have kids, etc., so the subject of the babymaking came up fairly frequently. A number of my students who are only a year or two older than I am were very certain that they wanted kids. Most of them want 2, a boy and girl. And they're just so sure! They'd laugh at me when I said that some days I want 6, and some days I want to be single forever, and inevitably they'd say:
"Wait til you're older. Then you'll want them."
In fact, one of my classes FAVORITE sayings that I taught them was "my biological clock is ticking." It described many of the women there!
But I'm not sure that being older is going to make such a difference. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But think of the number of women you know who had kids before turning 23 (my age). Lots of them knew for sure they wanted kids. So why can't I figure it out?
My big reasons for not wanting kids are as such. 1) After living in the world with so many people who are so disturbed from living awful childhoods with terrible parents, I'm scared shitless that I'm going to bring this little person into the world and proceed to wreck them. All the developmental psych that I've taken (and there's been a lot of that) has clearly shown me how much WORK it is to raise children somewhat adeptly, and I'm just not sure that I'm up for that. Also, not being up for that leads to reason 2).... I'm selfish. I admit, I tend to look out for number one, being me. I want to travel, live abroad, own a house, own a car, own a dog, and have my own career, and I don't know where kids fit into that picture, or line up with those goals. I'll be 25 when I graduate with my MSc-SLP, and I don't want to bust my butt to have this career that I've dreamed of since I was 15, only to get married and have kids immediately, since I think if you have kids, you should stay home with them at least til they start kindergarten.
My big reasons for wanting kids is simple: love. They love you. They make you crazy, they push you to the limit, they break all the rules, they break all your stuff, but there's a lot of love there. When Jacob was 5, he gave his mum the best mother's day gift ever: he came home from his German school, and said "Ich liebe dich" (Hope I spelled that right, Bari!). He told her he loved her. It took a fair bit of practice for him to get it right, but it was such a sweet moment.
I also have a somewhat selfish reason for wanting children. When I'm old and gray, when I need help curling my hair and getting my groceries, when I'm all alone because my husband has died and many of our friends are also going to their quietus, I want someone to love me. Someone to call and chat, to give me hugs, to help me out. Having volunteered with the senior population, I've seen the difference that a loving daughter/son can make for someone who's suffered from stroke. Their support is integral to their parents' coping abilities. I want someone on my team.
Yet when I try to imagine myself with children, the image seems contrived. I have a hard enough time seriously picturing myself married; adding children to the idea makes the whole thing frankly ludicrous. So who knows?? Maybe one day I'll be reading my archives, come across this post, and laugh hysterically as I burp the baby, rock the toddler in her stroller with my toe, and tell the oldest one to keep the peanut butter "OFF THE REMOTE CONTROL!"
Guess we'll wait and see!
Love,
Elizabeth
PS - the other thing that might contribute to my decision making ability would, of course, that hypothetical husband of mine. If he really wants kids, we'll probably have them. If he really doesn't want kids, then we likely won't! Maybe I should wait for him to show up and sign on before making these decisions....
Love,
E.
Anyhoo, having had a baby round the house for the past few days has started me thinking (actually, I think about this topic oddly frequently, but let's pretend I don't, since it makes me seem all crazy-like). You see... I really can't decide if I want kids or not, and it kind of bugs me that I can't make up my mind.
I know, I know... I'm only 22 (23 in just over a month!), and it's not like I'm married, engaged, have a boyfriend, have a date for Friday or anything; stuff that might come in handy for thinking those baby thoughts. I'm also not financially secure, geographically settled or universally tuned-in (42!). So why all this thinking? I don't really know, to be honest.
When I was TEFLing in Prague, the textbook I used most often (English File Upper Intermediate, boo yah!) had a section on the best ages for things. Best age to vote, to have kids, etc., so the subject of the babymaking came up fairly frequently. A number of my students who are only a year or two older than I am were very certain that they wanted kids. Most of them want 2, a boy and girl. And they're just so sure! They'd laugh at me when I said that some days I want 6, and some days I want to be single forever, and inevitably they'd say:
"Wait til you're older. Then you'll want them."
In fact, one of my classes FAVORITE sayings that I taught them was "my biological clock is ticking." It described many of the women there!
But I'm not sure that being older is going to make such a difference. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But think of the number of women you know who had kids before turning 23 (my age). Lots of them knew for sure they wanted kids. So why can't I figure it out?
My big reasons for not wanting kids are as such. 1) After living in the world with so many people who are so disturbed from living awful childhoods with terrible parents, I'm scared shitless that I'm going to bring this little person into the world and proceed to wreck them. All the developmental psych that I've taken (and there's been a lot of that) has clearly shown me how much WORK it is to raise children somewhat adeptly, and I'm just not sure that I'm up for that. Also, not being up for that leads to reason 2).... I'm selfish. I admit, I tend to look out for number one, being me. I want to travel, live abroad, own a house, own a car, own a dog, and have my own career, and I don't know where kids fit into that picture, or line up with those goals. I'll be 25 when I graduate with my MSc-SLP, and I don't want to bust my butt to have this career that I've dreamed of since I was 15, only to get married and have kids immediately, since I think if you have kids, you should stay home with them at least til they start kindergarten.
My big reasons for wanting kids is simple: love. They love you. They make you crazy, they push you to the limit, they break all the rules, they break all your stuff, but there's a lot of love there. When Jacob was 5, he gave his mum the best mother's day gift ever: he came home from his German school, and said "Ich liebe dich" (Hope I spelled that right, Bari!). He told her he loved her. It took a fair bit of practice for him to get it right, but it was such a sweet moment.
I also have a somewhat selfish reason for wanting children. When I'm old and gray, when I need help curling my hair and getting my groceries, when I'm all alone because my husband has died and many of our friends are also going to their quietus, I want someone to love me. Someone to call and chat, to give me hugs, to help me out. Having volunteered with the senior population, I've seen the difference that a loving daughter/son can make for someone who's suffered from stroke. Their support is integral to their parents' coping abilities. I want someone on my team.
Yet when I try to imagine myself with children, the image seems contrived. I have a hard enough time seriously picturing myself married; adding children to the idea makes the whole thing frankly ludicrous. So who knows?? Maybe one day I'll be reading my archives, come across this post, and laugh hysterically as I burp the baby, rock the toddler in her stroller with my toe, and tell the oldest one to keep the peanut butter "OFF THE REMOTE CONTROL!"
Guess we'll wait and see!
Love,
Elizabeth
PS - the other thing that might contribute to my decision making ability would, of course, that hypothetical husband of mine. If he really wants kids, we'll probably have them. If he really doesn't want kids, then we likely won't! Maybe I should wait for him to show up and sign on before making these decisions....
Love,
E.
posted by Elizabeth @ 10:30
1 Comments:
At 11:12 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
Doesn't your thinking ever make your head hurt?
Post a Comment
<< Home