Odd Matches

Our audiology professor likes to say that nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of how improbable it is. He has illustrated this point in several ways, generally leading us to the conclusion that the coincidences we assign all sorts of meaning to are really just these odd matches - and are expected to happen occasionally, just due to statistical probability. All this is well and good. It's hard to argue with the numbers, especially since all speechies seem to have an inordinate fear of integers. However, my relationship God leads me to other conclusions sometimes.

I think anyone who has a personal friendship with Christ experiences times where he seems undeniably absent. I've heard story after story (including my own) of feelings of praying to the ceiling, of feeling utterly abandoned, of being hopelessly lonely... all things that are very hard to cope with at the time. But there are other times. There are times when you look back, and see clearly where God was, and what he was doing. And there are times when you are surrounded by him, and feel him in everything that's happening. This past week has been a time of connectedness, of this kind of communion for me, and I can't help but want to share it.

It all started a week or so ago, when Megs and I were discussing Christmas plans. We both are moderately disillusioned with the season, and as women who weren't originally super keen on living back in Edmonton, are ready to get away for a bit. We started joking about disappearing on a cruise, or a package deal to Cancun or some such dealy... and then I started looking into it. Prices are just way too high for us, and I was about ready to give up, when mum suggested I contact some family we have in California, to see if we could stay there. I started praying about it, talking with God about how much we wanted to get away, and would he please make it possible. I said that I would go ahead and start trying to make plans, and would he please either let things come together or fall apart, whatever was best.

My aunt got back to me quite quickly, informing me that we are welcome to stay there. The next concern was finances. Being a student loan kid, how am I going to afford this? All of a sudden, I had meetings with 3 potential students. I'm not certain yet that any of those will pan out, but I'm just continuing to pray about it. The fact that I've got meetings at all seems to me to be a blessing - I've had an ad up for ages, and heard nothing, but things really started coming together this past week.

Megs and I were still a bit concerned about finances, as we'd need to rent a car to drive from the airport to the house. Not being 25 yet, the prices would be higher, and I still wasn't confident I could swing the costs. Then mum found out her friend down in Cali isn't well again, and would really like for mum to come be with her. Mum called me, and asked if Megan and I would be interested in driving down there with her. This means that we would no longer require a rental car, and would only need to pay for one motel room on the way down, and a return flight (which is very cheap). Suddenly the pieces fell together. As such ... well, we're leaving Dec 27, and I think returning on Jan 5. It's just so incredible how all of this came to work out - and while not impossible, highly improbable. ;) I think it's a God-thing.

The other place I have been seeing God in my life recently is in the amazing people I have in my life. I've often struggled with having good, deep friendships - and it's a lacuna that has been filled to overflowing this year. One thing I've often felt I've lacked are christians, real ones, who share other things in common with me. This year I've grown deeper relationships with Megan, Al and my cousin Chris - all people who have vibrant, dynamic, personal relationships with Christ that affect how they live their lives, and who they are fundamentally - and yet are in touch with reality. They are the kind of christians that I belive bring a smile to Jesus' face - they're out there, building relationships with people, loving people, treating each person as the image of God that they are. I look up to all three of them - they love people in a way that I'm not very good at yet. They are the least judgemental, most contented, and most rooted people that I know - and I'm absolutely cherishing the time that I get to spend with them. I can't possibly express how grateful I am that they are a part of my life... and I'm enjoying every minute I have with them.

I've been struggling lately with this image of myself as a squiggly peg, for whom there is no hole. I feel like most people are fairly compact bundles of traits... their characteristics all sort of line up with each other, making them into more traditionally shaped pegs. I, on the other hand, have these random features that are all over the map. I feel like a constellation shaped peg - with dots scattered from hither to yon; like I'm so beyond complex at the moment that I have no hope of ever understanding myself, yet alone ever having anyone else understand me. And yet these three people (along with my mum and siblings) do seem to understand me. And for some reason that I don't fully understand, they love me back. And they want me to be a part of their lives, just as much as I want them in mine. I don't know if I've ever felt this way about anyone before - and it's such a wonderful feeling. Right now I'm just trying to hold it close, and to absorb it. :)

I just want to say again how happy I am. God is teaching me so much about what it means to be content where I am, and how to grow up and be responsible for my own life, and how to lean on him, and how to surround myself with people of value who cherish me. I love my life. I love every bit of it, and I am so blessed to be in this amazing place.

A whole bunch of other really wonderful stuff has been happening in my life this week, but it isn't stuff that I'm comfortable putting out in my blog for the world to see. As I get more into my life here in Edmonton, more of it becomes less... generally share-able, more discretion is required, and I'm starting to question how much longer I'll bother with a blog at all. I imagine I'll keep it for at least a bit longer.... but be warned - it won't be forever. :)

A quick shout out - charlea from captured me commented on my tequila post. She's a speechie in Australia, which is all too exciting. Charlea - I've been hoping for the past little while to spend a year or two in Australia upon completing my degree - so welcome! I'm very pleased to meet you. :)

And now it's terribly late, and I'm terribly tired, and I'm certain this is a terribly syrupy post. However, I believe that a 'thankful heart is a happy heart' and I just wanted to be thankful tonight.

G'night ducks.

Elizabeth