Baby it's cold outside...

Yuck. The weather has been so yucky lately. I know that I live in Edmonton, and I know that comes with some chilliness, but -47*C (-53*F) with the windchill is a little much. "My" car (as in Jason's car that I drive) won't start and doesn't have a blockheater, so I'm carless again. Oh, ETS - how I didn't miss you. At all. On the other hand, I'd forgotten how fun it is to wear ski pants (*vwip vwip, vwip vwip* all the way to school), and how neat it feels when your eyelashes freeze together. Luckily, it's warming up, so I don't have to worry about freezing any exposed skin in less than a minute!

In other news, everything else is going really well. Clinic continues to be both fun and challenging, work is interesting and enjoyable, and I'm getting work done on my thesis (ethics application and presentation for my proposal defence). These things are what the majoirty of my life is based around right now, and that's Ok by me. I'm finding this term to be just the right amount of work, and I'm feeling pretty balanced. (A little more exercise is needed, but once it warms up a bit more I'll get back to the gym with B.).

Jason and I have been hanging out with our couple friends lately, which is fun. We played Settlers of Catan with Al and her husband two weeks ago, and then we went to Kathie and Brandon's this weekend for dinner and a game of Zombies!!! As gross as it is, I kind of like this game. :D Jason and I also hung out with Jake on Tuesday, which was lots of fun. We played some video games, a round of Zombies!!! (I won!), and then some WoW. Good times were had by all (thank you Minnie Johnson of the Wetaskiwin Times Advertiser). Tish and Larissa have been trying to catch us to go out for wings with them, but we haven't managed to line our schedules up yet. And B. and her boyfriend want togo out for dinner and then learn how to play Settlers, so that's going to happen sometime in the near future too, I think.

It's kind of weird to be in a place in my life where I have couple friends. This weirdness obviously needs to be counteracted with individual friend time! And so, I had breakfast withTegan (whose real name I will use from now on, as she no longer has the same schedule as me, and you cannot stalk her via my blog) last weekend, dinner with Robin and Caitlin the week before that, and dinner with Rachel (the newest friend in my life) last night. All in all, very satisfying.

So that's where things are at right now. Hope you're all keeping warm and drinking loads of cocoa with those little mini-marshmallows.

Love,
Ela

So it's a little more 'bumpy' than 'gentle'

Hi friends,

I thought the wind up to the term would go a little more smoothly than it has, which was highly optimistic of me. :) I'm still in four classes, my thesis still needs work, and I'm still putting in at least 15 hours a week at work. I managed to go head to head with some sort of flu-thing this week, and that's got me a bit behind.

But Fridays - lovely Fridays - are now a semi-free day for me. I'm going into school at 11 to practice using the PERCI-SAR system (which used to be called PERCI-SARS... at least, until the SARS outbreak!) and to figure out where the protocol for using it came from. (You always get clients to say 'pee pee pee' and I need to know why!) Then I've got a hair appointment this afternoon, which I'm really looking forward to. I always find them so relaxing, and I like having fancy hair. It's time to do something about 67 different colors that in there, so I'm thinking I might be a slightly darker brunette come this afternoon at about 4 o'clock.

Tonight we're going to pick up Jason's new car, which is tres exciting. I am especially excited because he is allowing me to drive his old car. We've made the switch on the insurance (I'm now the primary driver), and we're going to look for a new bumper and hood for it this weekend (it's a little beat up, but a perfect about-town car for me).

I'm feeling a little behind in my schoolwork these days, given how much time I've given to my thesis recently, but I'm hanging on to the fact that I usually wind up feeling this way at the end of every semester, and I've always made it through before! I'm really enjoying resonance (a class that is the 2nd half of "Voice and Resonance"), and since it's the topic of my thesis, I'm feeling slightly ahead of the game.

The rest of this month is looking a little hectic. There's still lots to be done on my thesis, my workplace is holding another workshop, and this time I will be one of the presenters, there are school projects and such.... And then there are the social things! It was Jake's birthday on the sixth, so we're going to his house for some cake and celebration tomorrow. Then it's Jason's and my six-month anniversary on the 17, so I think we'll probably go out for dinner. Jason's good friend Tish is getting married on the 20, so that should be a fun evening... all in all, I think the next three or four weeks are going to fly by!

Well, I should go and get cleaned up and head into school. Corks up my nostrils*, here I come!

Love you,
E.

*It's how you use the PERCI-SAR, I swear. And if I were you, I wouldn't ask too many questions unless you want to come and try it out. ;)

And so begins the gentle descent.

Morning my friends. It's Friday morning, 8 am, and I'm not at school. I'm not skipping, I'm not sick, and no one died. It's just that we wrapped up our Augmentative/Alternative Communication class last Friday, and it's now done for the term. This leaves my Fridays open for me to get other things done, which is fantastic!

Today, for example, I'm going to an elementary school in Riverbend to give two presentations on hearing protection. I'm looking forward to it, actually. Our prof warned us to be prepared to engage with the kids about how hearing is important to us, so I was trying to think of examples that students in my classes might be able to connect with. Obviously, announcing that hearing my boyfriend tell me he loves me is going to make them gag, and telling them that hearing my profs teach is going to make them think I'm an obnoxious keener. ;) As I puttered around this morning I came up with two examples I think the kids will like. One, when I'm playing World of Warcraft I need to be able to hear the rogues stealth. For those of you who don't play (i.e., the 98% of my social circle that is sane and not uber-geeky), a stealthed rogue is character who's almost invisible, and who is probably going to kill you. Two, I like being able to eavesdrop when I ride the bus. It makes those long trips so much more entertaining! I'll let you know how those presentations go.

My thesis is coming along slowly but steadily. I feel quite good when I realize that I've worked on it just about every day now. I feel like I'm staring into a black abyss complete with a balrog when I realize that I'm meant to be done this draft by 'the end of the month' and today is 26 October. Someone needs to get cracking!

Yesterday was one of my CUP co-worker's last days, so we all went out for lunch. Over the course of the meal, my supervisor called down the table to ask me where my hometown was.

"Oh, I grew up in Wetaskiwin," I replied.

"So did L-----!" my supervisor said.

"Neat! Did you know Dennis Huebert? He worked at the high scho--..."

"Dennis Huebert? Like MISTER Huebert?" L----- asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, he's my da-..."

"Oh I knew him. I knew him well. I spent a ... fair ... amount of time in his office!"

It was so cute. You just never know where you're going to run into someone that your dad had to pinkslip these days!

Aaron (Jason's best friend and Megan's boyfriend) flew into Edmonton yesterday to spend the weekend here for his sister's wedding. He and Megan and Tish and Larissa all came over to Jason's to spend the evening just hanging out. Those three boys together are utterly ridiculous, and I do believe that Jason just about laughed port out of his nose while Tish came close to aspirating a large chunk of pepperoni pizza. Now that's the mark of a good evening. Larissa, Megan and I were much more subdued. ;) There was some talk of the six of us going to Banff for NYE, something the boys have done frequently, and that Larissa did last year with them. It sounds like it could be a lot of fun... let's hope that I learn to snowboard by then, so I'm not stuck in the lodge, by the fire, with a book, and a hot chocolate.... Wait. Wait just a minute. Not learning to snowboard is starting to sound like the better option here. :D

A sort of spare moment

Clearly, life's been a little crazy recently. I often think about getting a blog post up, but there aren't a lot of free moments around to do so! I'm stealing this one on the grounds that I just wrote a midterm and I therefore deserve a short break... even though I do need to do an aug. com. assignment and a fluency lab tonight. :)

So here's the nutshell version of "Things in the Life of Elizabeth."

Work. I've been doing 3 hours a week at COMPRU, and really enjoying it. I'm splitting my time between digitizing casette tapes and analyzing the cookie swallow portion of modified barium studies. This is great, because I'm gaining familiarity both with speech software (Computerized Speech Lab) and with swallowing studies. I've also been fortunate in that my supervisor has granted me access to her lab's database of research articles, giving me the opportunity to look at articles that aren't available on-line without having to go to the library. (I hate going to the library to get articles. It's a total gong show, given that you can't safely leave your things ANYWHERE, and the photocopiers are always far away from the journals that I need, and there's never anyone around to show me how to doubleside.) I now have a stack of articles on nasopharyngoscopy that I can work into my thesis!

I really like my new position at CUP as well. I'm there 12 hours a week, and I've been getting some great experience in academic writing as well as with the ethics process for research. Both of these are skills that are applicable to my thesis, so yay! I like the people that I work with, the work that I do, and the theoretical premise behind the existence of the organization. Could it really get any better?

School. I officially wrote the final midterm of my Master's program today, and that's feeling pretty good. I did very well on the first midterm I wrote (Adult Language Disorders II), and am feeling good about today's as well (Fluency). It's a busy term, and I have lots to get done yet today... including writing the goals for our Augmentative/Alternative Communication class and completing the second lab for Fluency (it's a lot of counting stutters and determining severity, etc.). My goal of doing all the reading this term has completely bitten the dust, and I'm mostly just reading for Adult Language and Fluency, since those seem to be the two classes where it actually matters. Things are quite stressful right now, but will be much, much better at 12 on Friday, so it's manageable.

I met with my thesis peeps today to discuss my prospectus. Dr. B feels that I'm getting close enough to completing it that I should incorporate the details into my current draft (e.g., table of contents, reference list) and submit it for a final read by the end of the month or so. She and Dr. H will read and edit it twice, and then it will go to Dr. R (my committee member) for another read. Given all of this, it's coming close to the time for me to pick a date to defend my prospectus. This is a mini-defense; only Drs. B, H and R will be there. We sign the formal contract delineating our roles and responsibilities, and then I go to ethics. This is feeling stressful and worrisome, given how much work I still see needing to be done, but if my peeps think I'm getting close, then I'm getting close, and I'll get through this somehow.

Life. Life has also been busy. I've been attempting to attend church, Tegan's Bible study and Knox's Bible study, and doing so with limited success. I'm kind of now aiming for 2 out of 3 in a week, but have settled for just one a couple of times. :) Jason and I have also been spending some time with his friend Tish and Tish's fiancee Larissa, which has been very nice. We went bowling last weekend, and that wound up being a lot of fun. We also try to hang out with Kathie and Brandon and Al and Scott every couple weeks or so, mostly to play board games, which is excellent. It's really nice to spend a Sunday afternoon just playing games and hanging out.

All in all, life is hectic but good. I'm stressed and a bit frazzled (my English skills are going down the tubes, which is always a sign that I'm tired), but enjoying my classes, my work, my friends, and my boyfriend. Plus, my wonderful sister has taken the burden on of finding me something to wear to Tish and Larissa's wedding as well as to my grad celebration in December. I tried, but my dress shopping attempts mostly resulted in tears and a dress that I loved but both Kathie and Jason thought looked cheap. Yay for Kathie finding me something nice!!

Love y'all,
Elizabeth

Unbalanced: A Question of Priorities

I'm feeling frustrated at the moment. Yes. Frustrated is a good word. Frustrated in a vague general sense at our society's "live to work" attitude (I wish I were in Italy: "work to live" baby!), and more specifically, at being in a career where many of our instructors, mentors, and role models give lip service to 'balance' in their lives, but model a workaholic's existence.

I'm not even sure where to start, my head is so a-jumble with ideas and frustrations. Hm... It seems like the English 10 'funnel' of 'start general, end specific' might be a good way to go. So here goes!

Generally speaking, I believe that work is just one part of our lives. I believe that if I sign up for a 1.0 FTE position, I should be working 40 hours a week, not 50, or 60, 80. I fully understand that there will be exceptional times and circumstances wherein it will be necessary for me to stay. I'm Ok with that. What I'm not Ok with is being expected to work a 1.5 or 2.0 consistently after having been hired for a 1.0.

I feel similarly about school. YES, school is a priority. YES, it's important. YES, unlike a career, it is time-limited (as in, your program only lasts so long, be it 4 years or 2). That doesn't change my belief that school should not be the 'be-all, end-all' of my existence while I'm a Master's student.

Many members of my program have priorities that look like this:
1) SCHOOL
...
...
2) family/friends/significant other
3) hobbies
4) themselves

Their priorities are, of course, their choice. What concerns me is when I see a number of these women exhibiting clear symptoms of emotional and mental unwellness because of their obsession with their schoolwork. It concerns me to hear classmates talk of never getting enough sleep, of never seeing their friends, of having no time to do the things they love. How is this healthy? At what cost are they doing their very best in the program? Is it honestly, well and truly worth it? Is it truly their 'very best' when they're exhausted and frustrated?

I believe the answer is 'no.' Research shows that our degrees will be obsolete in 3 years - what will matter most is our experience in the field. CASLPA (our national college) explicitly states that it expects new graduates to be generalists, not specialists. And one or two of our professors have acknowledged that what really matters is a solid grounding coupled with the ability to know where to look when you have a question. With all of that in mind, why are we worry ourselves sick about cramming every morsel of knowledge into our heads, knowledge that most of us will have forgotten by the time we get to our first jobs? Why isn't our focus on grounding ourselves in the field, and becoming familiar with the resources available us?

Our focus is on being over-achieving excellence monkeys because a) we're SLPs, and most of us are Type A overachievers to begin with, and b) because that's what our role models show us. I have heard several professors in my department discuss the high burnout rate in speech, advocate for balance, then be in their offices from 7am til 7pm 5 days a week and be editing student work over the weekend. I have heard ONE clinician advocate for balance and actually demonstrate it in her career - and the whole time she was telling us about it, her tone was so apologetic that I'm convinced she gets very little respect for what I believe is a wise and healthy choice.

Today it was suggested to me that perhaps I might find it necessary to put Jason 'on hold' and 'see what he's made of' during this heavy semester. This comment stemmed from something that I had said about it being difficult to have a boyfriend who works an 8-5, and has evenings and weekends generally free. Jason wants to spend much of that time with me, and I would like to spend that time with him as well. My priorities look quite different from those above:

1) Me and my health (including faith, physical and mental health, etc.)
2) School, friends, family
3) Hobbies
4) Other commitments (e.g., junior church)

I consider my family and friends to be just as important as school. Quite often I don't get to see my friends as much as I'd like because of school commitments. Conversely, sometimes I don't do all of my readings because meeting with Al for a coffee is more important. It's a difficult balance, but one that supports my number one commitment: me and my health. It's distressing to me to be told that for four months, I should put everything on hold and go 100% all out on schoolwork. Firstly, I'd make myself crazy doing that. I need the social part of my life in order to be sane. I need to walk away from schoolwork, and not just once or twice a week. I need some time every day where I can be just Elizabeth, not Elizabeth-the-student. Secondly, it would do a lot of damage to the relationships in my life. It's hard to maintain a friendship when you give no time to staying in touch or being available. I'm not asking to maintain 36 different friendships - I'm thinking of three that are vital to me, and that I have no interest in 'putting on the back burner' just because school is heavy. Thirdly, I have no desire to implement unhealthy, unsustainable patterns in my life. If I do nothing but school for the next four months, either I'll be burnt out or I'll be well-practiced to do nothing but work for the next four. I never want to be a workaholic, and I've no desire to practice being one now.

Clearly, my schoolwork is important. I love being a speechie, even if it is a lot of work. I know that sometimes Jason's going to get to go off and have fun while I'm sitting at my desk, writing yet another draft of my proposal. I know that sometimes I'll get a little bit less sleep, or only run twice in a week, or not get to soak in the tub and read a novel. All of this I know, and can accept. What I'm not going to accept is not seeing my friends, not growing my relationship with Jason, not hanging out with Jacob, not going to church... just because it's a heavy term. Some readings aren't worth it, some assignments can be done quickly, some extra credit can be skipped. The people in my life are just as important to me (moreso!) than this degree. And I believe that I can have both in my life. It's just a question of priorities.

Ela

Holy cow, where'd the week go?

Hi friends,

I have no idea where this week went. One minute it was the holiday Monday, and I was lazing around playing crib with a friend (whom I skunked!), and the next, it was 6.10 Friday night and our CE meeting was wrapping up.

Clinic is crazy busy, but slowing settling down. You start with doing a session of pre-assessment, then one, two or three session of assessment, and then approximately 10 weeks (20 sessions) of therapy. We're just wrapping up our assessments, and sort of finding our groove. I had the pure pleasure of reading Jillian Jiggs to an adorable four year old. Every time I'd ask her what they were doing in the pictures, she'd say "they making a mess." Not they're flying, they're dressing up, they're being monsters, they're being chickens... just "they making a mess!" *dies from the cuteness*

Friday night I went to Marble Slab with a friend, and then we were at a total loss for what to do next. We decided to check out On the Rocks, a bar that typically has live, local rock bands. This is not something that's usually overly appealing to me, as rock is the one kind of music that I don't usually listen to. However, they had this great cover band playing (Morning Wood), and we stayed for all 3 sets. I didn't get home til after 3am!

Yesterday I slept in, and then was lazy, which was great. I met up with a friend at around 3, and we drove out to the Blackfoot recreation area (by Cooking Lake) and hiked around with his dog for the afternoon. He'd brought a picnic for us, but the mosquitoes were so bad that we had to eat inside!! Luckily, he'd also brought bug spray... but it only held the majority at bay. The few, the proud, the strong... kept biting my legs... (Tangent! When I worked at Hanson's Paint back in high school, one of the contractors - Roger - came up to me one day and said: "I wish I were a mosquito, Elizabeth." "Why?" I asked. "So I could bite your legs." It was a little weird, given that he was in his 50's, and I was 15...)

Today is church, wherein I am teaching the junior church lesson on sharing. Then I'm coming home to try and get a few things done around the flat before it's back to school tomorrow morning. A friend's coming over for supper, and we're going to do some BBQing (provided it doesn't rain), and maybe play some board games. It should be fun!

Cheers,
Elizabeth

Odd Matches

Our audiology professor likes to say that nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of how improbable it is. He has illustrated this point in several ways, generally leading us to the conclusion that the coincidences we assign all sorts of meaning to are really just these odd matches - and are expected to happen occasionally, just due to statistical probability. All this is well and good. It's hard to argue with the numbers, especially since all speechies seem to have an inordinate fear of integers. However, my relationship God leads me to other conclusions sometimes.

I think anyone who has a personal friendship with Christ experiences times where he seems undeniably absent. I've heard story after story (including my own) of feelings of praying to the ceiling, of feeling utterly abandoned, of being hopelessly lonely... all things that are very hard to cope with at the time. But there are other times. There are times when you look back, and see clearly where God was, and what he was doing. And there are times when you are surrounded by him, and feel him in everything that's happening. This past week has been a time of connectedness, of this kind of communion for me, and I can't help but want to share it.

It all started a week or so ago, when Megs and I were discussing Christmas plans. We both are moderately disillusioned with the season, and as women who weren't originally super keen on living back in Edmonton, are ready to get away for a bit. We started joking about disappearing on a cruise, or a package deal to Cancun or some such dealy... and then I started looking into it. Prices are just way too high for us, and I was about ready to give up, when mum suggested I contact some family we have in California, to see if we could stay there. I started praying about it, talking with God about how much we wanted to get away, and would he please make it possible. I said that I would go ahead and start trying to make plans, and would he please either let things come together or fall apart, whatever was best.

My aunt got back to me quite quickly, informing me that we are welcome to stay there. The next concern was finances. Being a student loan kid, how am I going to afford this? All of a sudden, I had meetings with 3 potential students. I'm not certain yet that any of those will pan out, but I'm just continuing to pray about it. The fact that I've got meetings at all seems to me to be a blessing - I've had an ad up for ages, and heard nothing, but things really started coming together this past week.

Megs and I were still a bit concerned about finances, as we'd need to rent a car to drive from the airport to the house. Not being 25 yet, the prices would be higher, and I still wasn't confident I could swing the costs. Then mum found out her friend down in Cali isn't well again, and would really like for mum to come be with her. Mum called me, and asked if Megan and I would be interested in driving down there with her. This means that we would no longer require a rental car, and would only need to pay for one motel room on the way down, and a return flight (which is very cheap). Suddenly the pieces fell together. As such ... well, we're leaving Dec 27, and I think returning on Jan 5. It's just so incredible how all of this came to work out - and while not impossible, highly improbable. ;) I think it's a God-thing.

The other place I have been seeing God in my life recently is in the amazing people I have in my life. I've often struggled with having good, deep friendships - and it's a lacuna that has been filled to overflowing this year. One thing I've often felt I've lacked are christians, real ones, who share other things in common with me. This year I've grown deeper relationships with Megan, Al and my cousin Chris - all people who have vibrant, dynamic, personal relationships with Christ that affect how they live their lives, and who they are fundamentally - and yet are in touch with reality. They are the kind of christians that I belive bring a smile to Jesus' face - they're out there, building relationships with people, loving people, treating each person as the image of God that they are. I look up to all three of them - they love people in a way that I'm not very good at yet. They are the least judgemental, most contented, and most rooted people that I know - and I'm absolutely cherishing the time that I get to spend with them. I can't possibly express how grateful I am that they are a part of my life... and I'm enjoying every minute I have with them.

I've been struggling lately with this image of myself as a squiggly peg, for whom there is no hole. I feel like most people are fairly compact bundles of traits... their characteristics all sort of line up with each other, making them into more traditionally shaped pegs. I, on the other hand, have these random features that are all over the map. I feel like a constellation shaped peg - with dots scattered from hither to yon; like I'm so beyond complex at the moment that I have no hope of ever understanding myself, yet alone ever having anyone else understand me. And yet these three people (along with my mum and siblings) do seem to understand me. And for some reason that I don't fully understand, they love me back. And they want me to be a part of their lives, just as much as I want them in mine. I don't know if I've ever felt this way about anyone before - and it's such a wonderful feeling. Right now I'm just trying to hold it close, and to absorb it. :)

I just want to say again how happy I am. God is teaching me so much about what it means to be content where I am, and how to grow up and be responsible for my own life, and how to lean on him, and how to surround myself with people of value who cherish me. I love my life. I love every bit of it, and I am so blessed to be in this amazing place.

A whole bunch of other really wonderful stuff has been happening in my life this week, but it isn't stuff that I'm comfortable putting out in my blog for the world to see. As I get more into my life here in Edmonton, more of it becomes less... generally share-able, more discretion is required, and I'm starting to question how much longer I'll bother with a blog at all. I imagine I'll keep it for at least a bit longer.... but be warned - it won't be forever. :)

A quick shout out - charlea from captured me commented on my tequila post. She's a speechie in Australia, which is all too exciting. Charlea - I've been hoping for the past little while to spend a year or two in Australia upon completing my degree - so welcome! I'm very pleased to meet you. :)

And now it's terribly late, and I'm terribly tired, and I'm certain this is a terribly syrupy post. However, I believe that a 'thankful heart is a happy heart' and I just wanted to be thankful tonight.

G'night ducks.

Elizabeth