Balance

This weekend invovled doing some Aural (Re)Habilitation homework and some studying for fluency. It also involved playing some WoW, which is becoming even more fun since all of Jason's co-workers are playing, and we can run instances together, and finishing up some sculpting.

Here's my most recent piece. He's about 3" long, and about 2" tall to the tip of his tail. His whiskers are actually old guitar strings!

Cat. September, 2007. Artist: Elizabeth Huebert. Medium: Polymer Clay

I'm currently working on a mouse for him to play with, and another figure that I'm basing on a cartoon character. More pictures when they're finished!

Cheers,
Ela

Unbalanced: A Question of Priorities

I'm feeling frustrated at the moment. Yes. Frustrated is a good word. Frustrated in a vague general sense at our society's "live to work" attitude (I wish I were in Italy: "work to live" baby!), and more specifically, at being in a career where many of our instructors, mentors, and role models give lip service to 'balance' in their lives, but model a workaholic's existence.

I'm not even sure where to start, my head is so a-jumble with ideas and frustrations. Hm... It seems like the English 10 'funnel' of 'start general, end specific' might be a good way to go. So here goes!

Generally speaking, I believe that work is just one part of our lives. I believe that if I sign up for a 1.0 FTE position, I should be working 40 hours a week, not 50, or 60, 80. I fully understand that there will be exceptional times and circumstances wherein it will be necessary for me to stay. I'm Ok with that. What I'm not Ok with is being expected to work a 1.5 or 2.0 consistently after having been hired for a 1.0.

I feel similarly about school. YES, school is a priority. YES, it's important. YES, unlike a career, it is time-limited (as in, your program only lasts so long, be it 4 years or 2). That doesn't change my belief that school should not be the 'be-all, end-all' of my existence while I'm a Master's student.

Many members of my program have priorities that look like this:
1) SCHOOL
...
...
2) family/friends/significant other
3) hobbies
4) themselves

Their priorities are, of course, their choice. What concerns me is when I see a number of these women exhibiting clear symptoms of emotional and mental unwellness because of their obsession with their schoolwork. It concerns me to hear classmates talk of never getting enough sleep, of never seeing their friends, of having no time to do the things they love. How is this healthy? At what cost are they doing their very best in the program? Is it honestly, well and truly worth it? Is it truly their 'very best' when they're exhausted and frustrated?

I believe the answer is 'no.' Research shows that our degrees will be obsolete in 3 years - what will matter most is our experience in the field. CASLPA (our national college) explicitly states that it expects new graduates to be generalists, not specialists. And one or two of our professors have acknowledged that what really matters is a solid grounding coupled with the ability to know where to look when you have a question. With all of that in mind, why are we worry ourselves sick about cramming every morsel of knowledge into our heads, knowledge that most of us will have forgotten by the time we get to our first jobs? Why isn't our focus on grounding ourselves in the field, and becoming familiar with the resources available us?

Our focus is on being over-achieving excellence monkeys because a) we're SLPs, and most of us are Type A overachievers to begin with, and b) because that's what our role models show us. I have heard several professors in my department discuss the high burnout rate in speech, advocate for balance, then be in their offices from 7am til 7pm 5 days a week and be editing student work over the weekend. I have heard ONE clinician advocate for balance and actually demonstrate it in her career - and the whole time she was telling us about it, her tone was so apologetic that I'm convinced she gets very little respect for what I believe is a wise and healthy choice.

Today it was suggested to me that perhaps I might find it necessary to put Jason 'on hold' and 'see what he's made of' during this heavy semester. This comment stemmed from something that I had said about it being difficult to have a boyfriend who works an 8-5, and has evenings and weekends generally free. Jason wants to spend much of that time with me, and I would like to spend that time with him as well. My priorities look quite different from those above:

1) Me and my health (including faith, physical and mental health, etc.)
2) School, friends, family
3) Hobbies
4) Other commitments (e.g., junior church)

I consider my family and friends to be just as important as school. Quite often I don't get to see my friends as much as I'd like because of school commitments. Conversely, sometimes I don't do all of my readings because meeting with Al for a coffee is more important. It's a difficult balance, but one that supports my number one commitment: me and my health. It's distressing to me to be told that for four months, I should put everything on hold and go 100% all out on schoolwork. Firstly, I'd make myself crazy doing that. I need the social part of my life in order to be sane. I need to walk away from schoolwork, and not just once or twice a week. I need some time every day where I can be just Elizabeth, not Elizabeth-the-student. Secondly, it would do a lot of damage to the relationships in my life. It's hard to maintain a friendship when you give no time to staying in touch or being available. I'm not asking to maintain 36 different friendships - I'm thinking of three that are vital to me, and that I have no interest in 'putting on the back burner' just because school is heavy. Thirdly, I have no desire to implement unhealthy, unsustainable patterns in my life. If I do nothing but school for the next four months, either I'll be burnt out or I'll be well-practiced to do nothing but work for the next four. I never want to be a workaholic, and I've no desire to practice being one now.

Clearly, my schoolwork is important. I love being a speechie, even if it is a lot of work. I know that sometimes Jason's going to get to go off and have fun while I'm sitting at my desk, writing yet another draft of my proposal. I know that sometimes I'll get a little bit less sleep, or only run twice in a week, or not get to soak in the tub and read a novel. All of this I know, and can accept. What I'm not going to accept is not seeing my friends, not growing my relationship with Jason, not hanging out with Jacob, not going to church... just because it's a heavy term. Some readings aren't worth it, some assignments can be done quickly, some extra credit can be skipped. The people in my life are just as important to me (moreso!) than this degree. And I believe that I can have both in my life. It's just a question of priorities.

Ela

I should probably be doing something more productive...

Hey guys,

well, it's 2.30 in the afternoon and my next class doesn't start til 3. There are lots of things I could be doing... working on the voice homework, the aural rehab homework, my thesis, the readings, the voice paper, the aug. com. communication board, the questions for aug. com.... but I thought I'd just chill. I have to be at school til 5.50 today, so I'll savor this little break. :)

My classes are fantastic so far. Aural (re)habilitation is all about working people who are deaf and hard of hearing, and involves loads of guest speakers telling us all about the method that they think is best for that population. There are tons of options available, and it's really interesting to evaluate them for ourselves. This prof also doesn't believe in exams, so instead we turn in a portfolio of homework and answer questions based on it. This is very cool, but also challenging for an Ela. Elas like to leave things til the last minute. Elas do not like to have to keep up on homework on a regular basis. It's going to be good for me, I know... it's just going to be challenging!

Adult Language Disorders II is fantastic! The professor teaches like she's talking to you over coffee. She's incredibly passionate about her material, and that's so contagious. I love it. :) It's also cool because we're talking about cognition, memory, attention - all topics that fascinate me.

Next up is voice and resonance, and it's fabulous, too. The prof has flipped the class around, and we're learning about treatment first, which I love. We spent today watching dyads act out certain therapy techniques, and guessing which was which. Very cool. :)

Then there's fluency (stuttering). The prof is incredible - so organized and knowledgeable. Also, she can imitate any sort of dysfluency on demand, so she's great at teaching via examples. Bummer - she uses pop quizzes, so I have to stay on top of the readings. ;)

Finally, there alternative and augmentative communication, which seems pretty sweet. I have to make a communication board for Megs to use on Friday... that should be fun.

So classes are good, but there's a metric load of work to do, plus my thesis, and my RA-ship. It's incredibly busy, and it's hard to be motivated to work on the evenings/weekends when Jason is off work and I'd prefer to be hanging out with him. Therefore, I've been trying to get everything done on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then Friday afternoons. It's sort of working - I've gotten lots done, but not everything. It doesn't help than unexpected things keep popping up, well, unexpectedly. ;) I'm sure I'll figure it all out eventually. Right now it seems to involve obsessively scheduling using G**gle calendar: "right, Tuesday 8-9 is thesis, 9-10 is reading, 10-11 is homework..." It's a bit exhausting.

My RA-ship is also looking fantastic. Yesterday I was trained on how to analyze a modified barium swallow, and it was so cool!! There are 6 or 8 different things that I have to look for, and it's so neat to watch a swallow in slow motion and to see just how much happens in so few seconds. I actually witnessed nasopharyngeal pentetration yesterday: the client's chewed up cookie wound up sitting on top of his velum/soft palate in the nasal cavity - say it with me now: 'ow.' I'm also digitizing some cassette tapes, and continuing with the AIDS transcription. Busy girl!

Well, it's time for fluency now - catch you later, gators!

Elizabeth

Sleepy!

Hi guys,

man, I'd forgotten how tiring sitting in a chair and learning all day can be. It's a good thing our classes are interesting, or else I'd be doomed. ;) The hard part of being in class from 8-5 is the urge to boredom eat. Today I packed a lunch heavy in fruit and granola bars, so I could just sort of munch all day. Mmm, munching. I had a plucot (plum crossed with an apricot), and its sticker said it was a 'dinosaur egg.' It was actually quite apt, as the fruit is a mottled red and green, and could quite easily be the offspring of a terrible lizard!

Truly, my classes are fantastic so far. Very interesting, and only one textbook that says silly things like:

"We often start out by asking our clients if they are ventriloquists. When they inevitably answer 'no,' we say 'you should try it - you hardly open your mouth when you speak!'"

I'm totally pooped, so I'll have to tell you more about the classes later. Mostly, I just wanted to show you what I've been up to. Jason's teaching me to sculpt with polymer clay, and I wanted to show you project #2. My first creation was a purple bug that I gave to Megs, and I have no photos of it. Suffice it to say that he was a little rougher than this one. I also have a third in the works, but it's not quite finished yet.

Without further ado, I give you: Baby and Frog. Artist: Elizabeth Huebert. Medium: Polymer clay. Date: September 9, 2007.




Hope you all are having a good week so far!

Ela

Back, Back in the Grad School Groove

Hi friends!

Well, it's September 6, and that means that I've officially completed Day One of the last semester of classes for my Master's. Very exciting. :) The first day went well (even if it was a little long): great professors, interesting courses, and of course, sitting next to Megs.

Our schedule is roughly 8-6 Mondays and Wednesdays, and 8-12 Fridays. Tuesdays and Thursdays are reserved for clinic (practicum). 8-6 (5.30, really, since Dr. C let us out early!) was a long day for a first day. I hate change, this semester is looking busy, and I was tired. When I went to Jason's for dinner, I cried the whole time I did the dishes.

"Ela! What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I snivelled, dripping tears into the sink. "I'm just tired and overwhelmed and there's no way I'm going to be able to do everything this semester. There are projects and papers and assignments and my thesis and my RAship and I want to work part-time since I don't have to do clinic til January."

Watching me cry still, Jason asked "are you sure that you want to do this? I mean, if you honestly think that you can't manage it?"

I sort of laughed through my tears. "My Master's? Am I sure I want to do my Master's? Of course I'm sure! I'll be fine tomorrow, I'm just overwhelmed and overtired tonight."

"Well, Ela, you know that you have Tuesdays and Thursdays and Friday afternoons to do your homework, so if you just manage your time..."

I started crying harder. "Jason! I'm too tired to be rational right now. I just need to feel overwhelmed tonight, Ok?"

"Well, Ok, but I don't understand why you would CHOOSE to be out of control!"

I dropped the spoon I was washing back into the sink and started to bawl. I went and sat in the bedroom on the floor with my head on my knees and sobbed. Jason figured it out quickly. He sat down next to me, put his arms around, and said nothing. :)

Sure enough, when I got up this morning I was feeling wide awake and ready to tackle the world. I went and bought my last few books, organized my student loan, and got my UPass. That was followed by organizing my bookshelf, getting the semester's binders ready, arranging a meeting with my RA supervisor, and reading an article and outlining its subtitles for a group project meeting tomorrow. I am feeling confident about this term, and am looking forward to it!

This afternoon I want to spend about an hour on my thesis and get started on the term's reading. I was all set to only do the vital ones, but Megs has resolved to do all of them. Can't let her be the only one who does! We'll see if I can keep on top of them. ;)

I also have a job interview tomorrow at 1.30. If you're thinking of me, you could pray. :) It's an RAship that's 12 hours week working on a knowledge mobilization project. The opportunity sounds fantastic, so I'm hoping the interview will go well.

Also exciting is that I obtained a 3hr/wk. RAship through the department. I'm back with Dr. R at COMPRU. As I volunteered there over the summer, I've actually been with them for eight months, and have spent all of that time doing transcription. I go in, I put on head phones, and I write down the 50 words and 20 sentences. I score these for intelligibilty, and file them. I like the job because it's a nice balance of mindlessness (the job isn't difficult) and focus (you have to pay attention or you'll screw it up). As much as I like it, eight months is a long time. :) I asked Dr. R if that's what I would be continuing with, and yes, it is. HOWEVER - I get to split my time between transcription and analyzing modified barium swallows!! This is watching a video x-ray of a person swallowing radioactive barium in order to determine if there are any abnormalities in the swallow (e.g., delay or misdirection). This is so cool. I'm so excited! Dysphagia (problems in swallowing) is an area that fascinates me, and this is a fabulous opportunity for me. Yay!

Well, my 10 minute break is up - it must be time to start reading. I'll catch you all later!

Love,
Elizabeth

Alas poor August - I knew it well

Hi friends,

I cannot believe that August is over. Just can't. In fact, I refuse. :) In my mind it is going to be August 31 for at least another week or two.

The past week has been very enjoyable, and the weekend's been even better. On Friday, Jason and I had a lazy evening, bumming around and playing World of Warcraft. Yes, I have been geekified: Jason's got me into the WoW thing. I'm still pretty much only interested in playing if he's playing (we play side-by-side). We'll know I'm REALLY far gone when I start playing alone. :D Yesterday we took Jacob to the Telus World of Science, and I was really impressed with how great the exhibits were. They have a robotics centre (sadly, it was closed when we got there) where you can actually program a small robot to perform a rescue mission on Mars (3D terrains built on tabletops). We're planning to go back so we can try that out. They also had a station where you could build Lego cars and race them. Jason and Jake really got a kick out of that! Jake built a little car that was pretty much unbeatable: true boy's bragging rights. Today, Jason and Kathie and Brandon and I played Cranium Pop 5, Settlers of Catan: Cities and Knights, and Settlers of the Stone Age. I liked Pop 5 best, as it's something I'm actually good at. I totally got Jason to guess "Lance Armstrong" by pretending to ride my bike across the room. :) The best bit was when Kathie was trying to get Brandon to guess Shrinky Dinks by curling up into a teeny ball and then frantically pointing at her crotch. It was hysterical!

School starts Wednesday, and I'm so not ready to go back. I'm considering going to ogle school supplies tomorrow or Tuesday in order to psych myself up. Nothing like some new post-its and sharpies to get into the "let's learn!" mode. This term we have: Alternative/Augmentative Communication (e.g., sign language, voice production software), Voice and Resonance (an area of relative expertise for me, given that my thesis is based on resonance disorders), Fluency (stuttering/stammering treatment), Adult Language Disorders II (which absolutely HAS to be better than ALD I, which was an absolute WASTE of tuition), and Aural Rehabilitaion (about which I know absolutely nothing, except that it's taught by a fantastic prof). I'm pretty interested in all my classes, and there are no surprise profs this term, so it should be good. Actually, typing that all up has kind of piqued my interest again... maybe Wednesday won't be so bad?

Some of you have been asking about my interview at DriveABLE. It went very well, and it seems that I would be an excellent fit there. My understanding is that when hours become available, they will be in touch with me about training. The small issue is that they're hiring pre-emptively: they're currently able to handle the volume of assessments that they have. They have good reason to expect an increase beyond their capacity at some point in time in September/October, but they can't be sure when, and they can't be sure by how much. Therefore, they're simply not in a position to guarantee a start date or weekly hours. They were very open and up-front about this, which I really appreciated. I'd very much like to work there, so we're kind of at a 'wait-and-see' point in the process. In the interim I've also applied for a GAP (graduate assistantship program, I would be a research assistant or a teaching assistant, as I was at Compru in the winter term) and another research assistantship that's a bit more intense (12 hours a week, lots of research and writing about community research and knowledge mobilization, both topics that interest me). And for both of those positions, it's still 'wait-and-see.' Guess what I'm doing these days? Yeah. Waiting-and-seeing. :D

That's my news! Not much else to report, I'm afraid. Hope all's well with you.

Love ya,
Elizabeth