Wherein Ela is something of an idiot
As an attempt to apologize for the lack of posts (given the hectic semester), I thought I would share some entertaining stories with you regarding my various spectacular talents.
Ela is a Spectacular Skipper
A few weeks ago I was in thesis crunch time. My supervisors were strongly encouraging me to get a substantial (Ok, Ok, they wanted the whole thing, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to swing that) portion of my proposal turned in for edits, and there were quite a few demands from other classes as well. In light of this, I chose not to attend one of my 8am classes, and instead committed that time to wrapping up some loose ends on my draft. When I got to school, it was about 10 am, and the class I had skipped should have ended 10 minutes previously (8-9.50). As I came up the stairs, I could hear the professor still lecturing, so I headed down the hall to the washroom. On my way there, I bumped into one of my supervisors, and she pulled me into her office so we could quickly discuss an email I'd sent her the night before. We're chatting away, when all of a sudden I can hear the instructing professor's voice coming closer and closer.
Oh yes. Can you say awkward moment? In comes the instructor - she's demoing an amplification system to the entire class, carrying a microphone around to show my classmates how, if you forget to turn the mic off, people can hear everything you say. Everything. Including things like "Oh, Ela! Why aren't you in class?" Yeah. Uh huh. Hm. That was awkward. When I walked into class about 5 minutes later, my face turned as pink as my pashmina as all my peers howled with laughter.
Ela is a Spectacular Snowboarder
Jason loves snowboarding. Loves it. Every beautiful day we've had this November, he's complained because it isn't snowing. So when he heard that Snow Valley had managed to get enough artificial snow down to open, he decided it was time for me to learn. We went to Totem and bought me some used boots and bindings (the bindings have a little stick figure on them... and he's peeing. I think it's because the brand name is Liquid, but still! He's peeing!), and he had a board for me to use, so we headed out to the hill.
Those of you who know and love me know these two things about me: 1) I have no athletic ability whatsoever, and 2) I'm afraid of things that involve falling and hurting. Therefore, this whole thing of 'learning to snowboard' seemed a little daunting. Nevertheless, I was determined to be a trouper. Off we went. Snowboard on? Check. Waddling through the snow, dragging said snowboard, to get to the carpet up the hill? (It's like a conveyor belt in the snow that you stand on to get to the top.) Check. Buckling other foot into snowboard? Check. Standing up? Not check. I can't get on to my feet from a bum-sitting position. Jason pulls me up. We commence down the hill. I fall a lot. Only it isn't really falling, because I never get going fast enough to actually fall. I just sit down every time it feels like I might be going fast. Which is frequently the case. Jason is very patient, and encouraging, and holds my hands the whole way down. Yes, you read that right. He snowboarded down the hill in front of me, holding me up. He is amazing. I.... I.... I suck. Let's just be honest.
Next time up, I realize that I'm really quite good at standing up from a kneeling position. This, however, means that I'm facing UP the hill - as in I'll have to snowboard down it BACKWARDS, since I don't know how to turn. Also, I'm afraid of falling, so I'm hesitant to stand up straight. Therefore I'm sort of scooting down the hill, butt in the air, hands on the ground. The bonus is that I can look through my legs and make sure I don't hit anyone. Jason tells me that this is not adequate. I cannot, he assures me, snowboard in the mountains for New Year's Eve on my hands. Darn. I practice standing up. Now I'm getting Ok at going backwards down the hill. Can't really see anyone, have a hard time going straight (lots of weaving), and I can't stay up for more than 10 seconds before I panic and kneel down, but I'm Ok.
Time to practice getting up off my bum, right? I need to be able to go down the hill facing forwards. I try. And try. And try. And my legs are burning, and my butt is wet (my ski pants kept sliding down), and I am SO FRUSTRATED. I can't do it. Jason hauls me to my feet, and we head down the hill. I can now stay up for about 12 seconds before panicking and sitting down. Impressive, I know. We get to the bottom, scoot over to the conveyor belt, and the man in front of me says "first time snowboarding?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, I could tell. You're quite a sight up there."
.... Um... thanks? Geez!! Way to boost my confidence, mister!
"You should try... (insert litany of advice here)."
Yes. I'm so sure that I want to try your advice, part of which included 'floating down the hill like a leaf.' I'm not really a floater. I'm more of a 'tumble down the hill like a rock' kind of girl.
Back at the top, I'm trying to get up to standing from my bum, and it's still not working. I'm cold. I'm wet. I hurt. My ego is seriously bruised from leaf-boy (I had myself convinced that everyone was too busy focusing on themselves to worry about the crazy girl in the red coat with the peeing men on her bindings). And I can't. Get. Up. I am very frustrated. Tears spring to my eyes. But darnit! I AM BEING A TROUPER. Jason pulls me up, and we head down the hill. Towards the end, I lose control, and snowboard over top of him. My knee gets slightly twisted. Just a bit. Not very much. I cry. I try to stop. I AM BEING A TROUPER, DAMNIT! Nope. I'm not a trouper. I'm frustrated and I hurt and I'm tired and I'm crying and Jason is saying...
"Want to stop for today?"
Oh thank the Lord. Do I ever want to stop! Hurray for stopping! I'm totally Ok with stopping. Yes, yes, I'll try again, but we can be done for today! Jason has told me that he can teach me to do this in three days, and this is one day down...
"So that was two and a half hours."
What?? That doesn't count as a day??? Oh shoot, what have I signed up for?
I'll keep you posted.
Ela
Ela is a Spectacular Skipper
A few weeks ago I was in thesis crunch time. My supervisors were strongly encouraging me to get a substantial (Ok, Ok, they wanted the whole thing, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to swing that) portion of my proposal turned in for edits, and there were quite a few demands from other classes as well. In light of this, I chose not to attend one of my 8am classes, and instead committed that time to wrapping up some loose ends on my draft. When I got to school, it was about 10 am, and the class I had skipped should have ended 10 minutes previously (8-9.50). As I came up the stairs, I could hear the professor still lecturing, so I headed down the hall to the washroom. On my way there, I bumped into one of my supervisors, and she pulled me into her office so we could quickly discuss an email I'd sent her the night before. We're chatting away, when all of a sudden I can hear the instructing professor's voice coming closer and closer.
Oh yes. Can you say awkward moment? In comes the instructor - she's demoing an amplification system to the entire class, carrying a microphone around to show my classmates how, if you forget to turn the mic off, people can hear everything you say. Everything. Including things like "Oh, Ela! Why aren't you in class?" Yeah. Uh huh. Hm. That was awkward. When I walked into class about 5 minutes later, my face turned as pink as my pashmina as all my peers howled with laughter.
Ela is a Spectacular Snowboarder
Jason loves snowboarding. Loves it. Every beautiful day we've had this November, he's complained because it isn't snowing. So when he heard that Snow Valley had managed to get enough artificial snow down to open, he decided it was time for me to learn. We went to Totem and bought me some used boots and bindings (the bindings have a little stick figure on them... and he's peeing. I think it's because the brand name is Liquid, but still! He's peeing!), and he had a board for me to use, so we headed out to the hill.
Those of you who know and love me know these two things about me: 1) I have no athletic ability whatsoever, and 2) I'm afraid of things that involve falling and hurting. Therefore, this whole thing of 'learning to snowboard' seemed a little daunting. Nevertheless, I was determined to be a trouper. Off we went. Snowboard on? Check. Waddling through the snow, dragging said snowboard, to get to the carpet up the hill? (It's like a conveyor belt in the snow that you stand on to get to the top.) Check. Buckling other foot into snowboard? Check. Standing up? Not check. I can't get on to my feet from a bum-sitting position. Jason pulls me up. We commence down the hill. I fall a lot. Only it isn't really falling, because I never get going fast enough to actually fall. I just sit down every time it feels like I might be going fast. Which is frequently the case. Jason is very patient, and encouraging, and holds my hands the whole way down. Yes, you read that right. He snowboarded down the hill in front of me, holding me up. He is amazing. I.... I.... I suck. Let's just be honest.
Next time up, I realize that I'm really quite good at standing up from a kneeling position. This, however, means that I'm facing UP the hill - as in I'll have to snowboard down it BACKWARDS, since I don't know how to turn. Also, I'm afraid of falling, so I'm hesitant to stand up straight. Therefore I'm sort of scooting down the hill, butt in the air, hands on the ground. The bonus is that I can look through my legs and make sure I don't hit anyone. Jason tells me that this is not adequate. I cannot, he assures me, snowboard in the mountains for New Year's Eve on my hands. Darn. I practice standing up. Now I'm getting Ok at going backwards down the hill. Can't really see anyone, have a hard time going straight (lots of weaving), and I can't stay up for more than 10 seconds before I panic and kneel down, but I'm Ok.
Time to practice getting up off my bum, right? I need to be able to go down the hill facing forwards. I try. And try. And try. And my legs are burning, and my butt is wet (my ski pants kept sliding down), and I am SO FRUSTRATED. I can't do it. Jason hauls me to my feet, and we head down the hill. I can now stay up for about 12 seconds before panicking and sitting down. Impressive, I know. We get to the bottom, scoot over to the conveyor belt, and the man in front of me says "first time snowboarding?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, I could tell. You're quite a sight up there."
.... Um... thanks? Geez!! Way to boost my confidence, mister!
"You should try... (insert litany of advice here)."
Yes. I'm so sure that I want to try your advice, part of which included 'floating down the hill like a leaf.' I'm not really a floater. I'm more of a 'tumble down the hill like a rock' kind of girl.
Back at the top, I'm trying to get up to standing from my bum, and it's still not working. I'm cold. I'm wet. I hurt. My ego is seriously bruised from leaf-boy (I had myself convinced that everyone was too busy focusing on themselves to worry about the crazy girl in the red coat with the peeing men on her bindings). And I can't. Get. Up. I am very frustrated. Tears spring to my eyes. But darnit! I AM BEING A TROUPER. Jason pulls me up, and we head down the hill. Towards the end, I lose control, and snowboard over top of him. My knee gets slightly twisted. Just a bit. Not very much. I cry. I try to stop. I AM BEING A TROUPER, DAMNIT! Nope. I'm not a trouper. I'm frustrated and I hurt and I'm tired and I'm crying and Jason is saying...
"Want to stop for today?"
Oh thank the Lord. Do I ever want to stop! Hurray for stopping! I'm totally Ok with stopping. Yes, yes, I'll try again, but we can be done for today! Jason has told me that he can teach me to do this in three days, and this is one day down...
"So that was two and a half hours."
What?? That doesn't count as a day??? Oh shoot, what have I signed up for?
I'll keep you posted.
Ela
Labels: Anecdotes, Jason, school, Snowboarding
posted by Elizabeth @ 14:27
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