Hold Me

I saw this cartoon this morning, and thought that it was just so sweet. And also true. And it perhaps this truth that leads me to my soapbox:

Touch in Today's Society

This is another one of those things that Megs and I talk about a lot. Our basic argument is this: People need touch. Our society says that touch is weird or wrong unless it is contained within a romantic relationship. People therefore struggle to meet their touch needs in a healthy way, and all kinds of unhealthy coping mechanisms ensue.

I firmly believe that people connect with each other on a deeper level when touch is incorporated. And I'm not talking about sitting in each other's laps, or being wrapped around each other like stripes on a candy cane. I'm thinking of an arm around the shoulders, a hand on the knee, holding hands. It brings the physical sensory portion of the brain into the interaction, and also integrates some of the more primitive portions of the brain. I also believe that it's harder to lie when you're physically being gentle with someone. Research indicates that babies who aren't touched fail to thrive - why would we as adults be so terribly different?

Yet despite this need for touch, our society has rendered touch taboo - unless of course you're romantically involved with the person. I suspect that some of this restrictiveness stems from the idea that touch is a slippery slope - once you start touching someone, and become comfortable with it, it's easier to touch more and in more personal ways. I respect the idea that we probably shouldn't encourage our teenage girls to be overly touch-friendly with their teenage boy friends. However. I firmly believe that this is a vicious cycle. We say 'don't touch, unless you're dating.' Then when they start dating, they start touching and find out that it feels good to have those needs met. There's nowhere else that's permissible to meet those needs, so they just keep on touching with whomever they're dating.

How easy is it to break up with someone who isn't right for you, but is the only person who is meeting your touch needs? How easy is it to walk away from the one person you feel a physical connection with, even if they emotionally abuse you? You have needs that you desperately want to meet, society says that there is one place to meet it, that place isn't healthy. Now what?

I believe that we can break this cycle. Beyond that, I think that as Christians we are called to break it. To the best of my knowledge, the majority of Jesus' healings involved him touching the people he healed. And let's be clear: I'm not advocating for sexual touch. What I am advocating for is the de-sexualization of certain kinds of touching: holding hands, hugging, and to some extent, cuddling/close sitting. It's my belief that if we can get these kinds of touches from people in a non-sexual way, we won't be so desperate to get them from a romantic partner. And I think that this is possible. With their permission, touch your friends. Touch your family. Be known as a 'touchy-feely' person. Be careful that you're not leading anyone on (goodness knows that it is a risk), but show the people in your life that you're Ok with touching even if you aren't dating.

So go ahead - hug someone today. And please: feel free to hold me.

Love,
Ela

Next time on Ela's Soapbox: The Language of Touch