Commitment-Phobes

A common criticism of my generation (Gen Y, Net Gen, whatever you want to call us kids who grew up wit hcomputers in school) is that we are unable to commit to anything. Long term relationship? No thanks. Lifetime career? Not for me. Kids? Woah. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much invested there. And you know what? I'm mostly Ok with that. I don't see holding off on these major decisions as a bad thing (though perhaps being incapable of any of them for your entire life is a problem. But that's a rant for another day, so I'll leave my pet steed, Tangent, in the stable today). What I'm NOT Ok with is our total inability to commit to small scale stuff.

A classmate of mine's boyfriend is going away on a fieldschool, and as a fundraiser, they sold tickets to a bar night last night. The classmate asked all of us girls if anyone would be interested in attending. Megs and I both said yes pretty much right off the bat. I even bought my ticket from her the next day. A number of other girls said they'd LOVE to come, but didn't want to buy tickets right away, they'd buy them at the door. Well, guess what. Megs and I were the only two from our class who showed up (besides the girl organizing it, of course). It really irritates me that people who are my age seem to find it impossible to say 'Yeah, I'll be there,' and then actually show up.

I used to be the same way. I'd bail on tons of plans, just because the wind changed and I longer *really* felt like going. Then I tried to host a few parties or nights out on the town, and no one showed up. It kind of clicked for me then. So now, I try my best to be a keeper of my word. Sometimes things changed. Someone gets sick, you have to spend the afternoon in the library doing research, your family shows up unexpectedly. I get it. But generally speaking, how hard is it to say "I'm coming," and then actually show up?

Part of the problem is, I think, our society's current inability to say 'no' to anything. We all feel like we have to do everything and we feel guilty if we don't say that we'll at least attempt to meet the needs of whomever it is we're currently talking to. But when we find ourselves overburdened, under-equipped, or just even tired... well, now what? We can't be heard to say 'no...' so we bail. We just don't show up. Occasionally we'll send some lame excuse via email or a text message (nothing too threatening in those - you don't have to actually talk to the person), but often it'll just be the next time we see them: "oh hey, sorry about Friday. Something came up."

Megs and I talk a lot about 'keeping people,' meaning caring for them because they are bearers of God's image. I'm starting to believe that keeping people means letting 'your yes be yes' even in the little things. Strike that. Especially in the little things. Building that trust so that they know you'll be there when you say you'll be, doing what you said you'd do. I think a lot of the members of my generation also frequently feel isolated... perchance these two things are connected?

Elizabeth